Something dear to our hearts is coming up this weekend. It’s our son’s second birthday. I’m extremely overjoyed. He is the firstfruit of our youth.
Just like any other mom, I love him with all my heart -- so much so that it breaks my heart to see him suffer. He developed eczema at 2 months.
For those who don’t know what eczema is. It is a medical condition where patches of skin become inflamed, itchy, red, cracked, and rough. Blisters may sometimes occur. [source] Itching is very uncomfortable.
He is the first in our family to have it. Childrearing is tough. Extra care is a must for the afflicted little love.
[photo source]
Our son never had clear beautiful skin since eczema broke out. We watch everything from his diet to the products we use. I’ve tried many things to see what works. I’ve turned to lots of sources for a solution. And recently emptied out my savings account doing so -- the last of my income since I stopped working.
Many nights I’d lie in bed crying. Truth is, I was in denial for a long time. It took me a while before I’ve accepted our son’s situation. I’d be lying if I’d say my faith in God remained intact all this while.
Many nights I’d lie in bed crying. Truth is, I was in denial for a long time. It took me a while before I’ve accepted our son’s situation. I’d be lying if I’d say my faith in God remained intact all this while.
I had questions. Lots of them.
How did this happen? Will I ever see my child enjoy all kinds of food without the bad flare-ups? Will I ever see him with healthy clear beautiful skin? Will he ever get well? ...
I became desperate. Frantic. Overwhelmed.
Can you really relate?
Our son’s been busy adding words to his vocabulary. He now knows what the word ‘itchy’ means. Whenever the flares up come, he’d run towards me and say he's itchy. Oh, how this shatters my heart to a million different pieces. I’d then embrace and comfort him. Every time, I’m reminded of my helplessness.
I feel alone. Unheard.
People mean well. Unavoidably, there are times they’d come of as insensitive without even realizing it. They won’t totally understand what you’re going through unless they’ve gone there before. (Let me be clear, I don’t wish bad for anyone.) How I wish we could live in a world where there is no sickness and diseases.
I don’t blame them though. That’s understandable. Heck, I’d probably be the same if I were in their shoes.
I feel for the broken suffering in silence. I feel for the moms, dads, guardians, whoever you may be relentlessly giving for the sick loved one. Maybe, I don’t have it worse but I do get it. I understand. My heart is hurting for my son too.
I wish I had a solution to share. Not an emotional account of a first-time mom in distress.
The Lesson
If there’s anything I've learned going through this it is that no one is to blame. God is not to blame. It is a huge lie to believe that. And He is not withholding anything for us. He is FOR ME, not against me.
(I'm writing this because I did fell into that trap, thinking that God is withholding healing for my son. Nope, sickness and diseases are not God’s will. He is NOT the author of it. He NEVER disciplines or teaches anyone through it.) God is good. You can count that He never changes.
What’s hindering us to receive the healing then? I don’t know. If I do, I’d put it in print for everyone to benefit as well.
For now, I’ll continue to do the things that help keep the flare-ups at bay: diet, supplements, … and to unceasingly trust God for our son's healing and wholeness.