Nearby, I could hear the aspen leaves dance with the gentle rhythm of the wind. They sounded like a hundred musical instruments playing harmonically to the tune of a calming rain.
Nature is inviting me outside as if aware of the weariness percolating inside my soul.
Why am I tired? I didn't do much. Move much. Today is just like any other day. It has been that way for the past three months. The same pattern. The same activity. The same tasks. It doesn't seem to end. There are no events to look forward to. No lunch or dinner dates at restaurants, church fellowship, window shopping at the malls...
Sure, it's not safe to do that now. Life, relationships, and health are important. Agree! Though I wonder if like me you also question if things will ever go back to the way it is. And until when?
Because there are times the wait is making my soul weary, parched. This tiredness is not physical. It's mental, emotional, internal.
[photo source]
When signs of internal fatigue crop up, my usual response is to reach for Youtube videos or other entertainment sites; coaxing myself to believe in falses hope that will never fill the void. It works fine for a time until it didn't. I was reaching for shallow wells that couldn't fill.
I don't know what's your quick-fix to fill the dryness inside but mine is bundled up in the form of entertainment. This would go on for hours and hours. At the tail end of it, the soul thirst sunk deeper, the guilt for the wasted time pounded my conscience, and the search for the next blank filler turns insatiable.
Addressing the soul thirst this way is just prolonging the problem. Skirting around the issue won't hydrate the thirst. Refusing to take charge of negative thinking patterns will only make it worse. Last time I remember, mine develop into depression.
Whether we confront them now or in the future, we still have to tackle these demons terrorizing our peace. There is no way around it but to face them head-on!
Again as per old habit, I was attending to the soul thirst the usual way, the wrong way, the long way. Thankfully, that cool snap interrupted my slump. I owe this to our little boy who bossily insisted to keep the sliding glass door in the living area open during the day.
The futile, ineffective resolution of partaking superficial wells is not the answer. Thus, I accepted nature's invitation to come out, paused the Youtube video I was watching, change to my workout gear, inform the husband of my plan, fire up audible (this is what I'm currently listening), and head outdoors to inhale the cool late Spring air.
The outdoor activity is not the well for my thirsty soul, it's simply an interruption to break the pattern of old unproductive habits.
Weariness doesn't mean weakness. We go through cycles in life. You simply have to learn to deal with your low states so you can bounce out of it quickly. This is a lesson I have to master after going through depression for two years -- an ugly place to be. The crucial part is dealing with the issue when the signs appear.
casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ
~ 2 Corinthians 10:5
I'm glad to have answered the call of the wind. I went home invigorated, refreshed, ready to satisfy the craving of my weary soul. It made me receptive to sit down and listen to the Word, so I voraciously took my filling. How do you satisfy your thirsty soul?
In a way, I couldn't explain (this must be experienced), God's peace, which surpasses all understanding, saturated my spirit, renewing strength.
My heart is made restful like the calming rain. Together with the aspen leaves, it dances gracefully to the rhythm of the gentle winds, blowing softly to remind me to drink from the rivers of living water that never run dry.
