(Let me warn you in advance, I'm going to share a 'very' personal story here. If you're not interested to read it, simply skip this post or read all the way down to the life lesson part.)
Note: This is my side of the story.
I had this conversation with one of my high school besties last week. You know how it usually goes: catch up on where the rest of your classmates were; who's married to whom; what happened to the ex after the event; and how much you've missed each other's company.
The second year of high school is one decisive moment of my life. It all started with a classmate. We both liked each other. So I said 'yes' when he conveyed his feelings and asked me to be his girlfriend. 'Coz girl, why not? :D
One teacher isn't in favor of the relationship; she rooted for someone else. The situation turned into a real mess just because of a stupid 'yes'. Right after she learned of the courtship, I became the poster child for bad behavior during our Values Education period.
Shame, guilt, humiliation rises up my throat every time that subject is in session. Imagine sitting in a room with 50 or more people who knew everyone. All ears are at attention to the speaker, who is making a public spectacle of your wrongs concentrated in a single event. Terrible!
Yes, it happened over and over that, I remembered walking out of class at one point because -- gosh, I was 14 -- who could withstand such toxic situation?
No, I couldn't skip school. I couldn't even entertain the idea because my grandfather, who lived right next to us, is an austere man. He never finished Elementary school so he wants all his grandchildren to earn a degree.
If he learns of my mutinous ways, I'll definitely undergo the 2x2 wood stake beatings. Given the situation, I'd rather go to school. (lol) His ways, though hard, anchored me. Nope, I never got the hits.
I had no other way to get through that crazy phase but toughening it out. Phew!
I had to fight the tears. I had to thicken my face. I had closed my eyes and ears to other people's opinions of me. And focused instead on my studies and close friends who stick it out for better or worse.
Never did I enter that classroom with heads bowed low or shoulders slump in defeat! But inside, I was squashed. I do confess contemplating poisoning myself once with over-the-counter-meds. Thankfully, it came to naught.
I did break up with that guy classmate after 3 days. He took all my blame and anger. Well, what do you expect? We're young, naive, and clueless kids!
He started it all, we were together when it happened, yet I shouldered all the guilt, the condemnation.
[photo source]
To reconstruct the label someone else painted for me, I covered up the bad and the ugly by stepping up my game. I aced all my exams in class, raised my hands up when questions needed answers, upgraded my reporting game to leave a strong impression, and volunteered in activities like Katniss Everdeen of the Hunger Games. (lol)
I 'unconsciously' channeled all my fight through my studies and it was all worth it in the end. This may sound like bragging so think what you like.
Can you believe I got the top spot that schoolyear? That's right! I was the number 1 student in my entire grade level that year. Crazy right?
I know, 'coz it too blew my mind! The bright ones were stunned, one got angry, and my mother is just as surprised. For the record, it never happened again (lol); we moved right after that school year ended.
Life Lesson
As I've pondered on the events from that time period, I did wish at one point to go back in time and change that foolish decision or take back that stupid 'yes'. But no, that would not be right.The after-effects of my election left a bitter aftertaste on my mouth but it also catapulted me to a place I never expected I could reach. The pressure didn't bury me six feet down under rather it raised me up beyond what I thought I'm capable of achieving.
No wonder, I don't harbor hate for that teacher. In fact, I love her for pushing me out of my comfort zone.
Cliche it is.
Nobody can change the past. But we can change the meaning of what happened from that past.
Instead of seeing yourself as the victim. Relabel the message to an overcomer.
Every single part of your life can be changed by a shift in your perception.
~ Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis
If you've made it out this far? What's holding you back from forging your away ahead in the future?
Those ugly, terrible, upsetting decisions of your history's past? They are not just rocks, there's gold within. Pull them out!
They serve as tangible evidence to prove you did it before. Why not make use of them then as testaments to support the case you can do it again and again?
If you ever find yourself in a tight spot, just remember, there's gold within.
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